Putting yourself first. Anyone who’s ever been on a plane knows that you must put your mask on yourself before helping anyone around you. You can’t help someone else if you aren’t in a position to help yourself.

Yet, many women believe being a “good woman” means prioritizing everyone else’s needs over their own. Thus, they feel selfish when taking care of themselves. 

IF… they take care of themselves, it is only after everyone else has been taken care of first. We put everyone else’s mask on before our own, because putting yourself first is selfish, right?

People-Pleasing

We mold ourselves around others to cope, keep the peace, reduce conflict, or fill in the blanks. People-pleasing is a necessity in our culture.

As long as it remains balanced, it’s healthy. But most women I know don’t stay balanced. Women end up abandoning themselves or part of themselves and begin sleepwalking through life or feeling resentful.

Expectations: Real or Self-Imposed

Once they have a family, they lose track of who they are as individuals—a self-imposed expectation because it’s what we’re taught we need to do to be good mothers. This expectation involves minimizing ourselves and putting everyone else’s needs above ours. What happens in reality is we become unfulfilled and resentful.

So how do we balance our relationships? By looking at life objectively rather than staying in the weeds. What expectations are we placing on ourselves that may not be true? Are we holding onto expectations of others that we may need to let go of?

Values

Are we placing undue stress and pressure on ourselves for things that are not important to us personally? Looking from the outside in, can we do things differently?

What can we say yes to? What can we say no to? We need to be aware and pay attention to our personal needs. If we ignore what we need, we don’t pick up on the signs that we aren’t living in alignment with our values.

If we don’t live in a way that aligns with our values, we will sleepwalk through life. The good news is that feeling guilty is a sign that you aren’t broken. Spending significant time prioritizing others, whether work, family, kids, or other responsibilities is natural. 

Change is Uncomfortable

When you decide to change those priorities, it will feel strange. It might even be uncomfortable, and you might question whether you’re making the right choice, but remember that change is often painful and awkward, but it’s a sign that you’re growing.

This adjustment in thinking will shift your perspective and priorities. People who genuinely care about you will understand and support you. People who love and care for you want what’s best for you.

They will help you become a happier and better version of yourself. You just have to fight for the values that are important to you. This doesn’t make you less considerate of others. It simply helps you prioritize and see where you may be wasting time and effort due to what you think others might want or need.

Conclusion:

Don’t let the values placed by others keep you from going after what’s in your best interest. 

“In a society that says, “Put yourself last,” self-love and self-acceptance are almost revolutionary. If”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Remember ladies, put your mask on first!